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he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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