I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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