SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize