took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
