Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize