So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
