Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
