then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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