How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
