right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Someone signed my nipple.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize