Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
