her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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