saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
