I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
