Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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