I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
