I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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