if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
