the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
