so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
