I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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