I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
