i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
