idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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