The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
