I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize