Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
