the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize