just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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