I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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