Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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