Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
