Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
