Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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