Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
