Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I need to align my fucking chakras
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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