I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
