i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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