Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
