Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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