Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
