I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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