Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
