Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
