he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
