somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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