Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize