so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
