By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize