you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize