How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
