I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
