All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
