the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
