What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
