is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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