I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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