the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
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