She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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