I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
