the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He did a backflip because drugs
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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