Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
