We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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