If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
