you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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