I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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